so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
