I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
