This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
and she was petting her beer can
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
