Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
