So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
