i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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