Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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