If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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