i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I need moral support for this bender
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
