someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
