I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
