I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
it's great music for shaving your balls
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
