Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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