i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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