After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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