I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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