Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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