just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Nobody cheats on THIS.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
