So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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