It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
MIDGETS
????
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
