Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
