guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
