I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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