Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
