The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
