This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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