just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
