I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
