I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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