I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
