it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
