Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
