i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
