I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
