The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
