On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
