White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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