90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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