You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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