What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i think i just lost a toe
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
