I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
