he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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