I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
