I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
