Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
