to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
True strength comes from lack of pants
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
