he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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