terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
