i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
