p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
