I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
